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Stoners need to watch “Sideways” Immediately July 31, 2008

Posted by Master Shake in Latest Info.

The Stoners are slated to play the Sonoma County Sol Friday at Long Island in the semi-final round of the NPSL final four.  Even though the Stoners have effectively sunk the S.S. Wasp, the next test may prove to be far more daunting.  While Westchester Yacht Club-types may have been easy to quantify, what with their jaunty captain’s hats and through-the-teeth speech patterns, the Sonoma County fan is a different animal altogether.  With that, lets open another edition of the Penn’s Army Field Manual.

Penn’s Army Field Manual, Boobytrap Edition


The dress for the Sonoma County fan is far more subtle than the NYAC-fan, easily camouflaging this wine-tasting, sommelier-tipping creature into his or her surroundings.  But there are a few tell-tale signs:

1) Blousy cotton or linen shirt.  This can be tucked in or untucked.  Untucked is more common, and is usually accompanied by a three-quarter rolled sleeve and an Omega SeaMaster watch;

2) Khakis, often with cuffs rolled.  These can be substituted for Lucky brand jeans that are slightly loose-fitting but still more well-tailored than your average Levis;

3) If wearing khakis, the subject will also wear hemp flip-flops; jeans require these as well, but these can be substituted for birkenstocks.  The wearing of socks are a dead giveaway that you are dealing with a mimic breed, similar to the viceroy butterfly.

Physical appearance:

The key here is causal.  Well-maintained but gently tousled hair is a hallmark of the Sonomian.  A subtle tan is a common accompaniment, developed from sun-filled afternoons spent in rolling meadows laughing, eating artisanal cheeses and discussing the finer points of a ’61 Chateau Chavel Blanc.

Sonomians sunning in the wild

The Field Manual: Learn it. Know it. Live it.

Unfortunately, circumstances being what they are, Penn’s Army will not be able to attend the big matches this weekend, but know that we are behind them 100%, and looking forward to joining the team for their victory celebration!

Zing!  See how we did that? We just invited ourselves to a party.



1. stoners fan - August 1, 2008

If you use Twitter, you can follow tonight’s game action. PSSA board member Chip Buck will be traveling with the team and provide updates throughout the day and game progress when the match is underway.

Go to twitter.com -> search on user “chipbuck”

2. Our Bold Predictions for 2009: #1 - There Will be Snow in May « PENN’S ARMY - January 2, 2009

[…] the playful banter and insults that have characterized this blog since it’s inception (see here and here).  Covering both the Snow and Stoners will also be a souce of endless Miami Vice and Fast […]

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