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Stoners Blamed for Increased Incidence of Moping, Kicking Dirt July 1, 2008

Posted by Master Shake in Latest Info.

BEL AIR, MD – In another display of what witnesses described as “ugly”, the Stoners defeated Maryland Utd. 4-2 to improve their division leading record to 5-1.  The win is another in a growing list of decisive victories against division opponents since the infamous “Boston massacre” that saw the Stoners go down in a fluke 0-2 loss.

Despondent Maryland United fans

Authorities are now blaming an alarming upturn in incidents of moping throughout NPSL cities  on the assassins from Allentown.  In Bel Air, MD, one local official described the atmosphere as “downright depressing.  Supporters are visibly frustrated.” He added “lots of people are walking around with their hands in their pockets, kicking imaginary cans—and reports of muttering and general crabbiness are through the roof.”

Critics were quick to cite factors such as the economy and gas prices, but sociologist Eric Altmann pointed out that general trends of mopeyness seemed to follow a pattern: “when fans are subjected to 90 minutes of their team being outclassed by the Stoners in every way possible, it takes a toll.” Added Altmann “Their teams are even out-dressed.  It’s like showing up to the Playboy Mansion in wide-wale corduroys and a sweater vest.”

The Stoners play again Thursday evening at the ‘Crum against cross-state rival Lancaster Inferno.  Game time is 7PM.



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