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Despite Lack of Army, Stoners Win Battle of Buffalo May 28, 2008

Posted by Master Shake in General blog.

It hasn’t happened many times throughout history, and in fact it’s probably never happened.  So really, the Stoners have made some sort of history by winning a battle with no army.

Penn’s Army did not make the trip to Buffalo.  How can this be?  Many reasons, none of them very good, all orbiting blissfully around the fact that it’s a 6-hour ride and it’s Buffalo.

The last time I was in Buffalo it was 1991.  It was 1am, I was driving back from Toronto, and I stopped at an IHop outside of town.  I had $3.  So I ordered a cup of coffee, which I never do, mostly because it makes me nuts.

Welcome to Buffalo

The longer I sat in that orange Formica booth, the more I noticed that, not unlike the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tattooine, the Buffalo IHop was a magnet for all sorts of strange characters,  cast-out to the fringes of our Union.  People with oddly-shaped heads and too much neck hair.  Among my favorites were the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair fan club president and friends, doing their best play-by-play of the famous Flair rant, all in sleeveless Ts and headbands.  Lot’s of “WOOOOOO”s floating around that night.  The best was yet to come, however.


Ric Flair on Buffalo: “WEEEIIIRRDDD!”

August in Buffalo must be something like Oktoberfest in Munich, because there is no way that this was just random aligning of the planets that summoned every oddball within a 350-mile radius to this particular spot (but if that’s true what was I doing there?).

When a couple of strangely tall men–one dressed as Dracula and one as a sea captain–walked in, I knew this place was something special.  The two ordered breakfast, apparently through telepathy because i never saw them actually speak, and proceeded to eat, slowly, never talking, cracking a smile or looking at one another, or even turning their heads in the slightest to look around.

They were still there when I left at 3am.  I wanted to stick around to watch the guy in the make-up burst into flames with the first rays of the sun, but it was time to get back to Pennsylvania, where people were normal.



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